It could happen at any time of the year to anyone and generally comes without a warning. It just happens in our lives, and many times too! Some people would take pride in saying that it never happens to them. That they are beyond such emotions and are too mature and aged to fall into this "foolish" state of mind! Some people have to struggle with it their whole lives as their fear and ego, do not permit them to admit that they are in love! And then, there are those who take advantage of the word 'love' for selfish gains. So what is it to be in love without any defined relationship?
Firstly we all fear the word 'love'! Love and fear cannot exist together. You can love only when the mind is sans ego and fear. We have always associated the words 'love' and 'lover' with a relationship between the two sexes where a physical relationship is always the final culmination! Love means commitment, and many fear that they would be entangled emotionally or physically in such cases. But if we see it from a wider perspective, its not love that has to be feared, it's the motive behind love. When love happens for a cause and needs to culminate in a physical relationship as in a marriage, it can end with the cause. It also need not end with the cause if there was love beyond the cause. In most cases when the cause is met, love starts fading. When the reason goes, the interest wanes, and the mind wanders again. For true love to prosper there need not be any final destination.
When you are possessive about a person whom you love, your mind is always like a boat tossing about in the ocean, without a sense of direction. For such people the mind always strives to curb the freedom of expression of the person whom they love. It even leads to violence and mental agony for both the lovers. Fights and conflicts become the order of the day. It even takes to dangerous proportions. We justify it strangely in the name of excessive love! Respecting the ones you love, giving space and time, understanding your loved ones, are all necessary to get it going.
This is the age of communication and love needs communication to flower and prosper. Lack of communication and trust is one of the most visible reasons for regular tiffs. If you do love, then you should be ready to share your thoughts completely. When you say that you have a problem, but are unwilling to express it, then it creates distrust and distance. It's better to keep the news of a problem that you are not willing to share well within yourself, until you are ready to share it. Love also requires constant attention and care for your lover.
Now a question arises in our mind; Is it right to love beyond a marital relation? We are also faced with the questions of morality here. Love as such is not a crime or immoral. Love is divine and is the life force of mankind! We cannot survive without love. As I said earlier, the motive makes it look deceptive. To love someone you need to have good qualities and be a sincere person at heart. If you can love someone and if that 'someone' can return your love, it sure is something to be proud of and not to be detested! But if your love is ruthless, violent, selfish and directionless then that is not love!
You should learn how to handle love effectively. First understand that love is not something that decreases in weight or volume when used! The more you give the more it is replenished. It is needless to partition and distribute your love, for it is a large reservoir and so does not matter how many people you love. It only matters, how much of your quality time you can give to the ones you love. One should not struggle to give space to oneself or to those whom one loves. Relations with the spouse, children, and other family members, require physical attention. Many other commitments towards them, other than just the emotional element should never suffer on account of the other people whom you love. You have a commitment to your family. If you neglect the primary person in your life, your spouse, then there is every chance that you will also neglect the next person you love, and the next person and so on. Well I say this on the assumption that there exists a true bond of love between you and your spouse!
Many a time, love starts when you are attracted to people who show similar traits and have special qualities. Love happens between people who have similar wavelengths, and who have the patience to listen to each other regularly. It also helps to strengthen strained relationships and to give balance in life to those who do not get the necessary emotional support from their spouses or loved ones in their families. The mere thought that someone somewhere needs you, cares for you and will listen to you always, is a big strength in itself! This strength is so amazing that it can balance life and bring back the joy of living at times! Love multiplies as you start giving. The more you give the more your reservoir fills up! The ability to love is divine. It should not be curbed.
I conclude by saying that love, beyond a defined relationship is sublime and a far cry from what we term as 'friendship'. It can happen only when two minds are in the highest state of the spiritual realm, without any guilt. It is the ultimate bond that can happen between the sexes! Many would contend that such a state is not possible and Adam and Eve will ultimately sin, but remember that the mind is our biggest enemy and friend. If we can tame the mind anything is possible! We have the ability to make the most simplest of things look complex! Love is an expression of the human mind. Just let it happen and feel the energy and the happiness flow in you!
8 comments:
Like you said, we tend to get attracted to people who share the same wavelength and hold the same line of thought as ours. When opinions coincide, people are happy. At times when they diverge, there arises a rift in the relationship. We fail to accord space to one another’s viewpoints if they don’t rhyme with ours, and we don’t seem to have the ability to entertain a thought with or without accepting it.
Lack of proper communication stands as another casualty in maintaining a healthy relationship. None of us are perfect, and we often fail to express ourselves in the right manner. For instance, a poet may be feeling wonderful inside, which he communicates with the outside world through his poems. But a person who is not good in poetry may fail in effectively putting his feelings across, and that does not mean that he doesn’t have any feelings. It is just that he doesn’t know to convey!
Ultimately when we think of it, as you said, it all comes down to taming our minds – whether we are able to love others unconditionally, like a mother’s love to her child. Most of us fall prey to our emotions very easily, and we do things on the spur of the moment. Many a times we may not actually mean what we say, but it wounds the listener, thereby straining the relationship. Things could be sorted out to a great extent if this tendency can be curbed. And when you say that the existence of love beyond a physical relationship would be looked down with disdain by many of us and believe that Adam and Eve will finally sin, we fail to realize that we are all Adam’s children and its just the silk that makes the difference. Love is divine – whether it is between a mother and her child, between siblings, or between friends, or between bloggers ;). Like you said, it needs to be spread throughout.
As Sri Sri Ravishankarji was said to have remarked, ‘Out of the billions and billions of people in the world, only a few thousands indulge in crime, but the entire world is affected. Isn’t it possible that with the same law, the reverse will also work? Just a few of us, a few thousand of us, being really peaceful and loving unconditionally—isn’t it possible to bring a transformation?’
--M.Bibin Das
Nice read!!
:)
though I dont have anything around to substantiate and make myself believe that all whatever you say here is true.
quite a different one from the scent of death!!!
Mr. Das. Think u should take up writing too. Enjoyed reading what you said.
Little nothings....
These are just my own thoughts. You should not block yours or substantiate anything to make my thoughts work for you or be true for you :) We should try to build upon our own experiences.
സ്നേഹം എന്നത് ഒരു വികാരം അല്ലെന്നും അതു ആദരവ്, വിശ്വാസം, ദയ, കരുണ, വാത്സല്യം, സ്വാതന്ത്ര്യം, ശ്രദ്ധ, പരിരക്ഷ തുടങ്ങിയ പല വികാരങ്ങളുടേയും കൂട്ടായ്മയാണെന്നും അറിയുമ്പോല് തന്നെ അതിലേതെങ്കിലും ഒന്നിന്റെ ഇല്ലായ്മയൊ കുറവൊ സ്നേഹം എന്ന കൂട്ടായ്മക്കു മാറ്റുകുറക്കുന്നു എന്ന അറിവും അറിവാകുന്നു. എന്നാലൊ, ഈ വികാരങ്ങളുടെ അളവുകളുടെ ഏറ്റകുറ്ച്ചിലുകല്തന്നെയല്ലെ സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ പല ഭാവങ്ങളുടെ അസ്തിത്വവും. പ്രണയം സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ ഒരു ഭാവം ആയിരിക്കെത്തന്നെ അതു സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ പര്യായം ആകുന്നില്ല. സൌഹ്ര്തം പ്രണയമാകുന്നുമില്ല, എന്നലതും സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ നിറഞൊഴുക്കുതന്നെ.
ചിലപ്പോല് ഭാഷയുടെ പരിമിതിയാവാം ക്മ്മ്യുനിക്കേഷന്റേയും പരിമിതി. പ്രണയം എന്നതു സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ ഏറ്റവും ഉതാത്തമായ ഒരു അനുഭൂതിയാണ്. പക്ഷെ അതിന് പല ഭാഷയിലും പകരം വെക്കാന് പദങ്ങളില്ല. ഭാഷയ്ക്കപ്പുറം കൊടുക്കുന്നവനും വാങ്ങുന്നവനും തമ്മിലുള്ള തിരിച്ചറിവുകളുടെ പൊരുത്തക്കേടുകളും സ്നേഹം തെറ്റിദ്ധരിക്കപെടുന്നു. കൊടുക്കുന്നവന്റെ സൌഹ്ര്തം വാങ്ങുന്നവന്റെ പ്രണയം ആകുമ്പോഴുള്ള ശരികേടുകളെ തള്ളികളയാനാവില്ലല്ലൊ. ആണും പെണ്ണും തമ്മിലുള്ള സ്നേഹം ഒരു നൂല്പ്പാലത്തിലുള്ള നടത്തമാകുന്നതും ഈ ശരിയും ശരികേടുകളും കൊണ്ടുതന്നെ.
Love is one of the most complicated questions for the mankind and depending on context, love can be of different varieties. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity. Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause.
Enlightening...well written!
wonderful posst..
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