Saturday, December 29, 2007

And how such things start!

A few days back when I was traveling back from my office I had for company, this famous person who was doing extensive counseling in marriage and family related issues. We had ample time to discuss many things and I was all ears to his amazing real life stories! Some were real eye openers to issues that we generally face in life but would have shied away due to fear, shame or ignorance. One such story caught my attention and I thought I would share it with you. I have used imaginary names for the sake of narration.


Prologue:
Rekha and Vivek had been happily married since 5 years. They had two siblings, a boy and a girl. Rekha was very religious and observed every Karva Chauth and underwent every occasion for fasting that came her way. She was also very active participating in almost every Pooja conducted in their neighborhood. Though she was the youngest participant in any such gathering, she was the darling of all the elder ladies who envied the way in which she rendered the holy verses! And she was really proud of it. Vivek was a software engineer working in a multinational company.


It was 11.00 P.M on Saturday. Vivek was busy chatting with some of his friends on the internet while Rekha was putting the kids to sleep. Rekha finally managed to put them to sleep and in the process dozed off by their side. By 12.30 Vivek started yawning and decided that, he would call it a day. He went to call Rekha . 'Rekha wake up. Let's sleep in our bedroom. Let the children sleep comfortably.' ' Umm let me sleep.' Rekha said half asleep. Vivek tried to shake her awake but was of no use. Then he finally went off to the bedroom all by himself. He was frustrated by her laziness. He tossed and turned in bed and finally managed to sleep by 4.00 A.M! The next day when he woke up Rekha was by the bedside with his morning coffee.Just after her morning bath she looked like a goddess! Vivek could not resist himself.He held her hand and tried to pull her on to the bed. But she thwarted his moves with an enticing smile and said 'It's Saturday dear…am off to the temple. Today again I am out of bounds for you as I am on a fast.' 'I tried to call you yesterday night, but you did not hear,' Vivek said. 'Sorry dear, I was tired.' and she vanished. Vivek 's anger increased! At his office, he did not answer her calls the whole day and showed his resentment. In the evening she asked 'Vivek what is it? Why did'nt you answer my calls? I was worried the whole day!' 'Nothing, I was just busy' Vivek lied. 'No, you are hiding something from me.' Rekha said. ' It's nothing.' Vivek retorted.


The next day Rekha came early to the bedroom and occupied the bed. 'What are you doing? Let me see the girl friends whom you chat with.' Vivek was on his laptop and was chatting with Maria, a friend from Canada. 'It's Maria…I introduced her to you last week… have you forgotten her?' ' Umm…yes I remember. Lets sleep.' said Rekha. 'Okay. Let me close the windows.' Vivek answered. He turned the lights off. Rekha cuddled closely to him. He put his right hand over her stomach and slowly moved it towards her breast. She suddenly shoved his hand away. 'Not now.' She said. 'Why?' Vivek was aghast! 'Am having a seven day fast' she smiled. She tried to hold him tight but he turned away.


Things started to get worse as days went by. Vivek started to ignore Rekha very often . Meanwhile Rekha became more and more obsessed with her fasts. And then one day it happened! She had just woken up from her sleep to have a glass of water. Vivek used to lock the bedroom when he was at something important and that day Rekha found that though the door was closed the lock was not on and there was light in the room. It was almost 1.30 A.M and she wondered what he was doing at this time. And when she opened the door she was shocked at what she saw!


Epilogue:
Dr. Ranganathan had a PhD in Psychology from the University of Bombay and he was a leading counselor specializing in marriage and family matters. Though he was 50 years old he looked 10 years younger and he kept himself trim with Yoga every day. He saw almost 20 patients a day but took utmost care for each and every person who came to him for counseling. He was an expert in his art!
It was 10.30 A.M. He checked his diary. There was a Mr. Vivek who was to meet him now. He had just finished with the couple who had come an hour back. He washed his face and then asked Kamesh to see if Mr. Vivek had come. Kamesh was his assistant. 'Yes sir. He is here.' 'Ask him to come in' Dr. Ranganathan said. Vivek came accompanied by his wife Rekha. 'Sit down please. Feel comfortable. Tell me how I can help you.' 'We have a problem which we could not sort out as she is not ready to let me explain.' Vivek said. 'Doctor, since two months we have been having this problem and one day I was totally shattered on seeing him do it' Rekha said. 'Doing what?' Dr. Ranganathan asked. Now he was curious. 'Am ashamed to say it. I felt like ending my life. But finally thought of coming to you when he pleaded with me' Rekha said. 'Well I will tell you doctor. I was caught watching pornography on the Internet!' 'What?' Ranganathan said. 'Yes doctor.' Vivek told everything that was happening in his life since two months. 'I was frustrated. She made me do it. I did it in anger towards her. She ignored me and also insulted me.' 'I want to end my life.' Rekha started sobbing. 'I have sacrificed my life for him. I do so many P oojas and do fasting for him almost every week. And for such a small thing he cheated me!' And she narrated her version of the story. ' Rekha please listen. Now hear what I have to say. Do you have any other complaints against your husband? Does he have any other vices like drinking, smoking, drugs, and relationships with other women? Does he love you and take care of you? Does he force you for sex at times?' Ranganathan asked. 'No doctor…he does not have any vices. He is very sincere, loves me so much and my children. 'He is a very good husband and a father. He has never ever forced me against my wishes.' Rekha said. 'Rekha, there is a time for everything in life. What you are doing is in excess due to your fervent religious spirit and something that you should be doing at the latter part of your life.' 'Now you should be enjoying your married life. When you grow old and your physical desires are on the wane you can slowly get more involved in religious and spiritual matters.' 'If you ignore the legitimate needs of your husband, he naturally would have no way but to seek other ways to satisfy his needs.' Rekha was all in tears and clasped Vivek's hands.


A week later, Rekha called up Dr. Ranganathan. 'Doctor I am very thankful to you for solving our issue. I have realized my mistake and now I understand him better. He is very happy now.' Dr. Ranganathan smiled in relief. He was wondering why he was unable to find the same solution in his own life when it mattered the most.

4 comments:

Balu said...

We need to take time to renew ourselves not only spiritually, but also physically and mentally. Its like a house with three rooms, and one needs to mantain all the three rooms in order to preserve the beauty of the house. Very often love is lost when the woman ceases to regard her first duties as a wife. Being religious is a good quality, but it would be folly to think God would be pleased if one keeps praying throughout, ignoring the need to accord time and space to those who deserve it. The best way to seek God's attention is very simple -- you just need to be nice with your fellow beings -- like said in the story of 'Abu Ben Adham' who never used to pray, but was always very kind to his fellow beings which made him top the list of God's favourite children. Ideal love grows when we strive to see God in others, and not in temples or mosques. It is our actions which are being judged, and it doesn't matter even if you recite holy verses or not.

Sex plays a major role in the success of a married life. If a couple finds that they are lacking in the emotional maturity or communication skills needed for a healthy relationship, then they should take steps to acquire them -- perhaps by consulting books by experts who have not only a psychological knowledge but a respect for the spiritual purpose of marriage. It would also be ideal to seek advice of a professional counsellor. We need opportunities to relax and let go of preoccupations in order to restore harmony in our family and fill ourselves with God's revitalizing peace.

A nice article indeed!

-M.B.Das

Jo said...

That was really nice and thought provoking. Would be good lesson for the married and going-to-get-married people. :-)

hope and love said...

wonderful post..

Sapna Anu B.George said...

Its exceoptionally well writen verses for newly married couple, great verses ,Ekalvyan